Six years ago, today

Another year. Another year full of events you should have been here for.

もう１年。もう１年のエベント一緒にいるはずだった。

6 years ago, today.

６年前の今日。

Just one day earlier you came in the door and showed off your new glasses. You were so excited.

１日前帰ったら、新しいめがねを見せた。あなたは楽しみだった。

Just over 24 hours later, you were gone.

２４時間後になくなった。

Despite that, it occurred to me this week, if I hadn’t had issues and had to re-do student teaching, I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to live with you before you left us. I would have likely been in Japan when I got the news.

これにもかかわらず今週考えた事は、もう１学期必要じゃなかったら、私たち一緒に住んでいなかった。多分その時に日本で要った。最後の３ヶ月に一緒に住んでいた事が感謝している。

Even though we argued sometimes and had differences in opinions often, I’m glad I got to spend the last few months of your life as your roommate.

I’m thankful for our years of Girl Scouts together.

一緒にガールスカウトした事感謝している。

The years of picking on our little sisters.

一緒に何年間妹たちをいじめた事感謝した。

The summers spent in your swimming pool.

何回も夏にあなたのプールで遊んだ事も感謝している。

The winter when we got a ton of snow and we were actually able to build a snow man.

１つの冬にたくさん雪が降ったから、雪だるまできた事も感謝している。

So many good memories. I wish we could have more, but I’m thankful for the ones we had.

たくさんいい思い出があった。もうたくさん欲しいけど、あったの思い出が感謝している。

Five years ago

It was at about this time five years ago that I woke up to the phone ringing again and again and again. My foggy Sunday morning brain realized that no one calls so many times at 6 am unless there is a problem. My mind immediately flashed to my mom a mind sisters - it was my dad calling.

When I finally made my slow morning brain work to answer the phone, I got my mom. She didn't want to be in charge of telling me the news, so she passed me off to dad.

That's when I got the news - Cara and the other girls were in a car accident. I expected my dad's next words to be that they were fine, that I would see Cara and the brand new glasses she was so excited about on Friday night very soon.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the news dad had for me. The girls had been in an accident on the split section of 99W when someone driving the wrong way hit them. Cara died on impact. Arianne, Kim and Faven are alive, but hurting.

Five years ago. I still can't believe that my friend whom I had been friends with since kindergarten, with whom I had giggled about boys and gone to summer camp with is gone.

We were practically sisters growing up - complete with the arguments. Out families did practically everything together - from Girl Scouts, to sports, to lazy summer days off.

I struggle with what to say. I don't want to forget Cara or the times that we had together. I was thinking today about how easy it is to forget the names of people that we did something with after the fact, merely because we don't see them everyday. I don't want to forget.

Four Years Ago, Today

Four years ago, a drunk driver took you away, my friend since kindergarten. Since that day you've missed so much.

You were supposed to graduate with me, just a few weeks later, start school and finish it together.
Your niece that you had just heard about and were so excited for is getting so big and by the sounds of it, more and more like you every day.

C, your little sis, got married. You’d have been so proud, she was such a beautiful bride. You should have been there celebrating the day with us.

You have a nephew too, who I’m sure you’d love. I haven’t met him yet either, but all the pics C posts of him are adorable.

K joined the Navy. You would have been so proud of him, too. Had you been in the car with us, you would have had a great time with A, M and I in the car on the way back from C’s wedding when we got a flat in insane Arizona heat with him in his “whites,” unable to do anything for fear of staining them.

My sister got married without telling anyone (ok, well except maybe the judge). You would have loved getting to hear about the craziness of it just before your sister got married and how my parents reacted.
I wish you could be here to see all of the things that have happened in both of our families and with our friends. To share in the joys, laugh at the insane things and just be here.

We miss you Cara.

Cara and I before our first week at summer camp

Two years ago

Two years ago, today, my longest standing friend, Cara, died in a car accident. In a lot of ways I’m surprised at how untouched I am, and at the same time I miss her a lot.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget her. She was such a big part of my childhood. Cara’s family was like an extension of mine. We shared Kindergarten, annoyance with our younger sisters, girl scouts, snow days and so much more.

At the same time, I’m amazed at how much time has passed since then. I’ve graduated – we should have graduated together. We would have started school together and finished together, but in one night, one drunk driver took that away.

Cara, you will always be missed, but we had so many good memories.

I remember the last time I saw you, you came in the door on Friday night so proud of your new glasses and that you could see well again. Because of that moment, I had to think very hard when my parents told me what had happened early that Sunday morning. My first thought, “but I saw you last night.” Then realized I was forgetting that Saturday happened in between.

I’ll never forget all the fun times we had as apartment-mates, and all the times you cooked things for our all of us. The cake cookies I learned to cook from you. Or all the crazy things you did – like keeping pizza in the cold oven until you had finished the whole thing (this always made me laugh). Or keeping your bedroom window open when you had the heat on. Or the giant shoe collection (maybe mountain is a better word) that always plagued our entryway. Or Liz & Melissa’s weddings we got all dressed up for and went to together. Or watching you get excited that you were about to be an aunt (and you would have been an amazing one).

It often just feels as though you’ve moved back to Arizona. We didn’t talk often after you moved there, in sixth grade, but when I hear something that makes me think of you, I want to call or email you. I’ll never forget the first time it happened. I was home and I was reading something that mentioned Chandler, and I wanted to call you and ask you about it. As I thought about moving to get my phone (your phone number still in it), I realized I can’t call anymore.

All that to say, I miss you. There are some days when I don’t think of you at all, similar to when you were alive and in Arizona, and other days when I can’t believe that it’s been so long since you’ve been gone. You were an amazing friend and I am thankful to have been a part of your life. Know that you will always be remembered.