Four Years Ago, Today

Four years ago, a drunk driver took you away, my friend since kindergarten. Since that day you've missed so much.

You were supposed to graduate with me, just a few weeks later, start school and finish it together.
Your niece that you had just heard about and were so excited for is getting so big and by the sounds of it, more and more like you every day.

C, your little sis, got married. You’d have been so proud, she was such a beautiful bride. You should have been there celebrating the day with us.

You have a nephew too, who I’m sure you’d love. I haven’t met him yet either, but all the pics C posts of him are adorable.

K joined the Navy. You would have been so proud of him, too. Had you been in the car with us, you would have had a great time with A, M and I in the car on the way back from C’s wedding when we got a flat in insane Arizona heat with him in his “whites,” unable to do anything for fear of staining them.

My sister got married without telling anyone (ok, well except maybe the judge). You would have loved getting to hear about the craziness of it just before your sister got married and how my parents reacted.
I wish you could be here to see all of the things that have happened in both of our families and with our friends. To share in the joys, laugh at the insane things and just be here.

We miss you Cara.

Cara and I before our first week at summer camp

Two years ago

Two years ago, today, my longest standing friend, Cara, died in a car accident. In a lot of ways I’m surprised at how untouched I am, and at the same time I miss her a lot.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget her. She was such a big part of my childhood. Cara’s family was like an extension of mine. We shared Kindergarten, annoyance with our younger sisters, girl scouts, snow days and so much more.

At the same time, I’m amazed at how much time has passed since then. I’ve graduated – we should have graduated together. We would have started school together and finished together, but in one night, one drunk driver took that away.

Cara, you will always be missed, but we had so many good memories.

I remember the last time I saw you, you came in the door on Friday night so proud of your new glasses and that you could see well again. Because of that moment, I had to think very hard when my parents told me what had happened early that Sunday morning. My first thought, “but I saw you last night.” Then realized I was forgetting that Saturday happened in between.

I’ll never forget all the fun times we had as apartment-mates, and all the times you cooked things for our all of us. The cake cookies I learned to cook from you. Or all the crazy things you did – like keeping pizza in the cold oven until you had finished the whole thing (this always made me laugh). Or keeping your bedroom window open when you had the heat on. Or the giant shoe collection (maybe mountain is a better word) that always plagued our entryway. Or Liz & Melissa’s weddings we got all dressed up for and went to together. Or watching you get excited that you were about to be an aunt (and you would have been an amazing one).

It often just feels as though you’ve moved back to Arizona. We didn’t talk often after you moved there, in sixth grade, but when I hear something that makes me think of you, I want to call or email you. I’ll never forget the first time it happened. I was home and I was reading something that mentioned Chandler, and I wanted to call you and ask you about it. As I thought about moving to get my phone (your phone number still in it), I realized I can’t call anymore.

All that to say, I miss you. There are some days when I don’t think of you at all, similar to when you were alive and in Arizona, and other days when I can’t believe that it’s been so long since you’ve been gone. You were an amazing friend and I am thankful to have been a part of your life. Know that you will always be remembered.